If you don’t have time to listen to my 30 minute radio interview with Viki Kind (http://tobtr.com/s/498125), do not worry!
I’ve created two Top 5 lists that summarize keypoints from that conversation. You can quickly peruse my lists and hopefully pick up one or two tips that will help you and your aging parent before crisis hits.
- 5 things I did (in my mother’s crisis) that helped
- 5 things I wish I had known and done beforehand
5 Things I did that helped us:
- From the start, my mother and I shared an end goal: to help her find the best quality of life for the rest of her life
- I tried to put myself in my mother’s shoes. I often slowed myself down or stopped myself – to let Mom adjust, share her feelings and make decisions.
- I approached challenges with a solution-oriented approach. No matter what the obstacle, I kept persevering.
- I found and utilized a number of key friends/contacts to call upon for help, recommendations, and support. I said a sincere “Thank You” as often as possible to these folks. They were saints in my book.
- I viewed this crisis as an “opportunity” (for my mother to find renewed health and a joyful life). Your perspective of the situation will make all the difference in how you respond.
5 Things I wish I had known and done (before my Mom’s crisis)
- I wish I had been reading/educating myself on the stages of aging, eldercare and local resources. I was incredibly ignorant. It was like a big black hole for me.
- I wish my brother and I had been discussing options and possibilities for Mom’s future. It was as if we were all operating short-term, just making sure Mom was OK “today”.
- Even though I lived 600 miles away, I wish I had gone back during those 3 months she had become housebound and seen things with my own eyes. I was devastated when I saw her home and realized what it must have been like for my mother 24/7.
- I wish I had had the phone number of her best friend, the only person my mother let in. Jean wishes she had had my phone number as well.
- I wish I had had an understanding of her overall financial situation. I had to quickly gather and obtain information. Even if you believe someone else is monitoring the situation, review details for yourself.
Best wishes as you journey alongside your aging parent! I hope that you both will “thrive and find joy”!
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What stood out to me was your pointing out that you found and utilized a number of key friends/contacts to call upon for help, recommendations, and support. It points to your strength in making the choice to get help. Simply admitting that one needs help can be difficult enough, much less making such an effort to incorporate them into your plan and then recognize their role in your success and thanking them so sincerely. Wonderful post Dale, thank YOU.
These two Top 5 lists are terrific. As an author and columnist writing about older adult issues, it’s great to discover others with a similar interest.
Blessings,
Missy Buchanan
Author, Living with Purpose in a Worn-Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults (Upper Room Books, 3rd printing since May 2008)
Columnist, Aging Well, United Methodist Reporter
Great article, Dale. I’m so glad it’s part of the Boomers & Seniors Blog Carnival!
I was so blessed that my parents went through many of what you’ve dealt with and decided they did NOT want me to have to deal with it as much. So they planned ahead, made a living trust, set up a power of attorney and living will, and started adding me into the process before they needed me. This made it so much easier for me to keep going once it did become necessary.
Having phone numbers is something I have to keep updating. I was just talking about that to a friend today, so we are exchanging the numbers we have for a mutual friend who may need help down the road. Preparation is so key, and this article is a great help towards that
I’m definitely bookmarking it. 