A recent NYTimes article, “Easing Tensions in the Nursing Home”, highlights a common but serious threat to our parent’s well-being… tension between family members and nursing home staff.
University of Pittsburgh researchers have shown that at the time of transitioning our parent to a nursing home, we (as family caregivers) face the same level of anxiety and depression as when we bathed and fed our parents at home. Think about why! We are no longer in control, our parents are at their most vulnerable, and we have entered a “world” we know little about nor have experience in!
Why is it that we adult children sometimes view the nursing home staff as an adversary? How can we find a way to partner with the staff?
Dr. Pillemer, a gerontologist at Cornell University, believes we have to see ourselves as allies, not adversaries, to the nursing home staff. He says that “family members can …work with staff to solve problems.”
Here are some of his suggestions:
- Take requests and complaints to the right level. He suggests the staff social worker as a good place to start.
- Practice “clear and respectful communication.” Avoid blaming the other person or putting them on the defensive. Phrase the problem in terms of why it’s important to your parent. Once you think you’ve reached agreement on an issue, be sure to clarify the agreement verbally.
- Keep visiting and monitoring. Dr. Pillemer says that “the amount of visiting done is directly related to the quality of care”.
- Give positive feedback as often as possible. Hugs and friendly coaching go a long way to set a positive tone. The article gives an example of how one nursing home still receives a fruit basket each Christmas from the family of a former (now deceased) resident. A staff member there says, “That’s so thoughtful. It says we made a difference in people’s lives”
The 5th way to partner comes from Dr. Eleanor Barbera (founder of My Better Nursing Home). She recently shared that every family (with a loved one in a nursing home) should ask to attend the “care plan meetings” for their loved one. These meetings occur when the person is first admitted, and then at regular intervals. You’ll come away with a fuller understanding of your parent’s overall care and also will be establishing yourself as an advocate for your parent.
So, become an ally and partner with your parent’s nursing home staff. Do the following as often as possible. Take every opportunity to be present, say ‘thank you’, and handle problems in a respectful, solution-oriented manner. Be aware that many of the staff giving hands-on care haven’t received a lot of training, work under stressful conditions and receive low pay.
As Dr. Pillemer says, “It’s an extremely challenged system”.
Source: http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/19/easing-tensions-in-the-nursing-home/
