Today, I want to highlight the main points of a wonderful article that I read recently. It pointed out that around the holidays, admissions spike at nursing homes and assisted living facilities. I asked a nurse friend of mine, “Is this true” and she said, “It definitely is”. So, why?
Many of us live across the country from “aging in place” parents. A lot can happen in one year, in terms of your parent’s health and home. If you find yourself in a home that’s in disarray or facing someone who is in frail health, you may find yourself in a reactive mode, wanting to jump at a solution. You may want to immediately ask direct questions. But that will likely put the your parent on the defense. There’s a better way to approach the situation.
Before you leave for your holiday visit, read the major points of this well-written article. A link to the full article is below. And, by all means, if you face a deteriorating or emergency situation with your parent, take a step back (and some deep breaths)…and try to frame the situation with an empathetic and loving approach.
Here are the main points of the checklist:
1. Look in the frig (is there outdated food in it?)
2. Drive their car (check the state of the tires, oil, antifreeze)
3. Take a peek at the mail (keep an eye out for unpaid bills)
4. Investigate the bathroom (check for cleanliness)
5. Take a note of how the pets are doing
6. Talk to the neighbors (a bonus is establishing a relationship with the neighbors and also someone to keep an eye on their home and them, even if just from the outside)
7. Identify some benchmarks ( consider marked declines from the previous year)
8. Go to the source. This is probably the most important ‘next’ step. Take the time to sit down with your parent, listen to their concerns, worries and perceptions. Ask what you can do to help. As when dealing with any of life’s difficult problems, oftentimes an individual (young or old) needs time to process a conversation, suggestions, etc. Give your loved one time to let your conversation sink in. Then, after the holiday, you can (as a family and ‘team’) engage in devising plan for solutions that meet your parent’s needs.
Here is a link to the complete article:
http://www.caring.com/blogs/caring-currents/looking-in-on-aging-relatives-a-home-for-the-holidays-checklist
