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If you are a woman over the age of 40, you need to read the new book, The Daughter Trap! No matter how informed and proactive we believe ourselves to be, there is one certainty. None of us are prepared for the nitty-gritty realities of our parents aging.
The Daughter Trap explores the impact of eldercare falling on the daughter. I like the way the book is broken into 2 sections, “The Problem” and “The Solution”, offering examples and scenarios, but also resources, insight and a call to action.
Author Laurel Kennedy includes over 200 first-hand accounts by caregivers as she walks us through a myriad of eldercare issues, probing deep, always asking why? Why is there a cultural expectation of the daughter as sole caregiver? Why do”employers ignore it, parents expect it, and women accept it?” Kennedy acknowledges caregiving can be a wonderful loving opportunity. But, due to the realities of aging and eldercare, she urges us to expand our thinking about our role and options for our parents (and ourselves). You will walk away with ideas for balancing caregiving with family, work responsibilities and personal needs.
Some of the chapters that make this book unique in content are the chapters on dealing with sibling rivalry, caring for in-laws, the male caregiver, and dealing with physicians and hospitals. In each chapter, Kennedy carefully presents the issues, available resources and “lessons learned”. The chapter on physicians and hospital should be a wake-up call for each of us and our medical community. Learn about the “medical home” and why it is so critical for your parent’s well-being.
I found the last section of the book, “The Solution”, to be a real gem. Find out about new housing alternatives for the elderly, model eldercare programs offered by a few innovative employers, and the potential benefits of new technology to aid in eldercare. If you are an employer or can give input to your employer, I urge you to carefully read the chapter, “It Takes a Company.” I immediately thought back 5 years when I helped an employee through a very difficult situation in caring for her mother. Corporate support would have made a world of difference for her and me!
In summary, I highly recommend Kennedy’s book to help you be informed, inspired, and provoked to action! It’s a book you’ll want to read and re-read, share with family and friends, and keep handy as a resource.
The Daughter Trap: Taking Care of Mom and Dad…and You by Laurel Kennedy
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Life with caring for mom in our home is challenging. It sneaks up on you and takes over your life. She zaps what little energy I have. My son has his own medical needs and the demands of being my mother’s “keeper” is sending me over the edge. Everyone look out!
The Designated Daughter issue is a big one. It is culturally expected and , for the most part carried out. The relationship can be looked at as problem / solution, but it can be experienced in many colors. My book, Designated Daughter : The Bonus Years with Mom tells our family’s story. We surf, we daughters and mothers, and on good days we go with the flow.
http://dailywd.womansday.com/blog/designated-daughter/