Comments on: What is a Major Transition Really Like for Your Aging Parent?

By: Kaye Swain - SandwichINK for the Sandwich Generation Issues

Kaye Swain - SandwichINK for the Sandwich Generation Issues — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 15:28:22 +0000

Hi Dale, Great article. Thank you so much for submitting it to SandwichINK for the latest Boomers & Seniors: News You Can Use blog carnival.

By: Dale

Dale — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 16:14:27 +0000

Kevin, thank you for making that last statement. It is so easy to feel like you’ve failed in your efforts when the actual transition is messy, emotions flare, and the negative feelings outweigh the positive. It’s important for the daughter/son to know they’ve done their best, and then to allow everyone time to adjust to the “new” normal.

By: Caring for Aging Parents

Caring for Aging Parents — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 04:29:16 +0000

Transitions and change is difficult for anyone… young or old. Add to that the emotional difficulties of dealing with loss of independence, declining health and losing the comforts of their own home. It is difficult and I’ve witnessed both the quick easy smooth transitions and the bitter fighting sad transitions that never quite make it. Patience and understanding are important. Planning ahead is helpful if the one moving/bringing in home care, etc has time to think it through, tour different senior home communities, etc. In the end, it’s likely going to be a tough transition no matter how much planning you do.

Kevin

By: Dale

Dale — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 19:36:00 +0000

Miss Dazey, I think we will go back to visit more, because the pastor and message really touched us. And, the people seemed very nice. Although I often have to go to business meetings alone and have to get over any discomfort, a church is kind of like your home, one of the few places of stability in your life. I think that’s what makes it difficult.

By: MissDazey

MissDazey — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:34:31 +0000

My first response to this post is “will you continue going to this church? Perhaps visit more churches?

The older I get the harder change is, it’s even harder for Bruce. I particularly dislike places or events where most people are young.

By: Dale

Dale — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:31:35 +0000

Here are a few things to consider.
1. Safety. If your parent needs more care than a home health aide or visiting nurse can provide. If they are confused or disabled to the point where being home is unsafe.
2. Your capacity. Do you and other family members have enough time and and stamina for tending to your parent’s needs, coordinating services, and managing your own work and family responsibilities?
3. Health. If your parent receives a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s or some other debilitating disease, it is time to start thinking about a move. I have read that it’s better to make the move when your parent is still able to be part of the decision-making process. That tends to help the adjustment.
4. I’ll add in a fourth, loneliness. Depression is so common in the elderly. As I reflect back, I think my mother was depressed for many of the years after my father died. Friends and family visited in her home as much as possible, but she has always been a private person, so only now does she share some of what she went through.

Each family and loved one’s situation is unique. One thing I suggest is to start to make a list of a couple assisted living communities that meet your criteria: geographic, quality, size, cost. Make an appointment (there’s no cost), and visit a couple with your parent. Give your parent some time for it all to sink in, and let him/her share their thoughts.

I hope this helps. Dale…

By: Ocie Irons

Ocie Irons — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 02:18:46 +0000

Assuming staying at home removes a layer of change that our parents would have to adjust to Do you have criteria that you suggest for determining when it is necessary for a parent to movie into an assisted living environment?