Transitioning an Aging Parent to Assisted Living – When and How

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The other day a reader asked me, “When is it necessary for a parent to move into assisted living?”  We have all heard about the studies that show most older adults wish to age-in-place. We probably have heard our parents voice that desire quite often. With the many quality home care agencies, and visiting nurse and physician programs, it seems that we should be able to honor their wishes.

But, the day may come when we need to think about a move to Assisted Living.  In this post, I provide key criteria that would indicate consideration of a move to Assisted Living.  As always, I encourage us (adult children and families) to be thinking ahead and to become knowledgable about local options in our community now.  Don’t wait for a crisis to occur when you have to abruptly choose an Assisted Living facility for your parent.

Here are criteria for considering a move to Assisted Living:

• Safety.  First and foremost, safety.  If a home aide or visiting nurse can no longer provide the level of care needed, or if your parent is confused and disabled so that their home environment is unsafe for them, then it’s time.
• Health.  If your parent receives a diagnosis of a degenerative disease, then it’s time to start thinking about a move and the options.  It helps so much to have the discussions and make the plans while your aging parent is in the early stage of such a disease and can be a part of the decision-making.  Yes, it is hard to confront the reality.  But, allowing them to be a part of the choice is so important for their adjustment.
• Your capacity. Do you (and those in your circle of care) have the time and the physical strength to care for your parent?  Do you have the time to coordinate the needed services, while caring for your own family and meeting your work responsibilities?
• Your parent’s social needs. Is your parent isolated or lonely, and unable to interact with others on a daily basis?  My mother tells me that when she moved to her retirement community, she suddenly realized how isolated and lonely she had been in her home (sometimes for weeks at a time during the harsh winter months.)  But, while living in her home, she accepted that as part of an older adult’s life.  As our parents age, they are continually faced with loss of  health and mobility, spouse and friends, and more.  Depression is common in the elderly.  Don’t minimize this need.

I strongly encourage you to consider each of these facets, safety, health, your capacity and your parent’s social needs, as you think about their need for an Assisted Living environment.

Here are some suggested ways to facilitate the selection and move to Assisted Living:

• Review the family resource offered below, from ALFA.  Learn about what to look for in an Assisted Living facility and find those in your area.
• Talk with your parent’s physician, friends and colleagues to get their recommendations.
• Define a list of your criteria, such as geographic location, quality, cost.  Also consider features important to your parent and you.  Are mobility and independence valued?  What activities are offered, besides Bingo?  Music, art therapy? Is there access and support for senior-friendly computers?
• Create a list of possible facilities.
• Contact and visit your top 3 choices.  Don’t just go on an open tour.  Make an appointment for a personal tour and establish a key contact there. Don’t be overwhelmed by the glossy marketing brochures and information you’ll receive.  Accept it and read later.  Ask to see rooms.  Schedule in time for a meal.  Say to hello to residents and staff as you pass them.   Observe interactions.  Make notes.  Follow-up with questions later with your key contact.  My advice to you, your parent and family:  call and visit as many times as you feel necessary.  Not only do you need the information, this will help you and your aging parent build a foundation of trust and comfort with the staff and community.
• If possible, allow your parent to choose his/her room.  And, as soon as possible, personalize their living space, so it feels like just an extension of their former home.
• Do not minimize the time and effort it will take for your parent to adjust to their new living situation.  Be available, listen, support and advocate (when needed) on their behalf.

A wonderful resource for families is ALFA (Assisted Living Federation of America.)  To reach their resources for families, click here.

I could not do complete justice to this topic in this blog post.  But, I hope I provided some key information and food for thought.  Please share your ideas and tips/strategies.

Tagged as: Aging Parent, Alzheimer's, Assisted living, Caregiver, Caregiving, Eldercare, Elderly, Transition