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Thanks to Patricia Grace of Aging with Grace for an excellent interview on her BlogTalkRadio show last Monday. I had the opportunity of sharing the core part of my new book, my new ADAPT method for adult daughters and sons.
I encourage you to listen to the archived recording of our wonderful 30 minute interview. Click here.
Below are the 5 parts of my new ADAPT method, 5 steps to guide your aging parent through crisis and change. (If you wish to get a more in-depth understanding of the ADAPT method, as well as a wealth of references and resources, be sure to check out my new book, “Transitioning Your Aging Parent: A 5 Step Guide Through Crisis & Change.”)
- “A” -> Assess. First, you need to understand your parent’s needs and values. I provide tips on how to listen, observe, and have the right open-ended conversations about the critical issues facing older adults. As a part of “Assess”, you also must consider your needs and situation. Adult daughters and sons all too often overlook this self-assessment piece. I have often heard, “caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint.” Understanding the situation, your parent and your capacity will pave the way to a successful outcome.
- “D” -> Discuss.
- “A” -> As a family. Discuss as a family. Reach out to your family, siblings and everyone integral to your parent’s care and well-being. Realize that sibling rivalries and old childhood issues may rear their ugly heads. I advise family members on how to get past these obstacles. By all means, make the discussion and decision-making open, transparent and grounded in consensus. One important caveat is to let your parent’s voice be heard and considered.
- “P” -> Plan. Put the agreed-upon plan down on paper, listing the tasks, timetable and who’s responsible. Share this plan with everyone who has given input, has a task, or needs to be kept in the communication loop. Do not jump to a solution before the “discuss” and “plan” is done.
- “T” -> Transition. Execute the change. I provide a number of tips to help ease the transition. No matter how well you plan, chances are emotions will flare. Recognize that stress and anxiety usually accompany a change. Be patient, be flexible, but stay the course.
Patricia asked,
- “What do I hope readers will take away from this book? I hope they take away my process to use over and over, through every change in their parent’s life. I hope they take to heart how important it is to: have a deep understanding for their parents and themselves; have everyone (integral to their parent) on the same page, and create and adhere to the plan to guide their mom or dad through the change. If all of this is done with empathy and love, I believe the entire experience can build a foundation of trust and understanding, and bring the family closer together.
- “What is the best piece of advice I have for daughters and sons?” Start now BEFORE a crisis occurs. Educate yourself about the aging process, your parent’s healthcare issues, their wishes and desires, and the community resources in your parent’s area. My book is a great first book to read. You’ll find a wealth of additional resources referenced there. And, in the Appendix, you will find 3 new technology solutions for you and your parent.
While there are incredible challenges in aging and helping our parents as they age, there is also great opportunity for growth, creating a legacy, and connecting with each other in a deeper, more meaningful way.
If my ADAPT process is helpful to you and your parent, please comment below or send me a private message in the Contact Form. Thank you!
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