Aging in place (AIP) costs considerably less than assisted living care, but it’s not free.

Though funds are dwindling for many senior-related programs (Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security have all spent ample time on the chopping block lately), there are still a number of federal, state, local and private organizations that offer financial support to seniors who want to stay where the heart is.

To begin – because first you might need to sell the idea to skeptical family members, or just figure out what modifications are needed before getting the capital to do it – get to know what services and resources are offered in your home state via these helpful sites:

• Search for home repair and modification resources in your region at Eldercare.gov.
• HomeMods.org is a national information clearinghouse on all things related to home modifications. Professionals and consumers alike can peruse an extensive resource directory on the site.
• Not sure if your own home or a senior loved one’s residence is adaptable for AIP? Most are, but the WellCome Home site helps you clearly see the potential and know where to direct your energies and efforts when it’s time to transform the home.
• Download this Home Safety Checklist from Rebuilding Together, Inc. to remove fall hazards and resolve accessibility issues, many of which may be implemented without spending a dime.

Should the need arise for assistive equipment (such as power chairs or stair lifts) or home modifications (like wheelchair ramps or door-opening systems), here are a few ways to ease the burden of purchasing or installing these costly components.

Claim a deduction. Russell Glickman, a DC-based home design and remodeling expert, recommends conferring with a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) to find out whether you or a loved one is eligible to deduct the cost of home modifications on your federal income tax. You need a written recommendation from your doctor as proof that the modifications are medically necessary. Glickman also states that you can claim a deduction for the costs of operating and maintaining the modifications, whether or not the stair lift, ramp, or other equipment qualified as a medical expense. Home improvements (or capital expenses) that may be deducted per the IRS.gov are as follows:

• Constructing entrance or exit ramps for your home.
• Widening doorways at entrances or exits to your home.
• Widening or otherwise modifying hallways and interior doorways.
• Installing railings, support bars, or other modifications to bathrooms.
• Lowering or modifying kitchen cabinets and equipment.
• Moving or modifying electrical outlets and fixtures.
• Installing porch lifts and other forms of lifts (but elevators generally add value to the house).
• Modifying fire alarms, smoke detectors, and other warning systems.
• Modifying stairways.
• Adding handrails or grab bars anywhere (whether or not in bathrooms).
• Modifying hardware on doors.
• Modifying areas in front of entrance and exit doorways.
• Grading the ground to provide access to the residence.

Note: You can only itemize these deductions if the main purpose of installation is medical care for you, a spouse or dependent (modifications made for aesthetic, architectural or other personal reasons do not qualify). Permanent improvements that boost your property’s value may be partially included as a deduction; in this case, the cost of the home modification is reduced by the amount of the property value increase (whatever the difference is what your qualified medical expense to deduct will be). If the home modification does not increase your property value, you can deduct the whole cost as a medical expense.

Visit the Area Agency on Aging. Every state offers different incentives, programs, and benefits to their senior residents. The best way to learn about them all, in addition to any tax credits or federal monies available through Medicare, Medicaid (in some states, you may be able to qualify for funding via the Medicaid HCBS – home and community-based services – waiver), HUD, the VA, or the USDA that would be disbursed through the state, is at your local Area Agency on Aging. The AAA is a one-stop-shop neighborhood branch of your state’s department that handles senior care (i.e. Department of Aging, Department of Public Welfare, etc.). Go to Eldercare.gov or N4A.org to find your AAA by zip code, city or county.

Apply for grants or take advantage of state assistive technology projects to make your home wheelchair accessible. According to HomeMods.org, funding is available for this specific modification through the Department of Veteran Affairs (call 800-827-1000 or your local VA for more details) and via the United Cerebral Palsy Association (call 800-872-5827). The IRS also permits those with disabilities to claim some of these expenses as a tax deduction. Check in with the National Council on Independent Living Center (call 703-525-3406) to get local funding information and referral services.

Get a loan to add a room. If Mom is moving in and she has health needs or disabilities, you may be eligible for government funding. FannieMae offers the HomeChoice program, Home Keeper program, and the Home Equity Conversion Mortgage (get more details at http://www.efanniemae.com, or visit the local office). In Texas, New Mexico, California and Illinois, residents can apply for a Home Modifications Loan for Homeowners (with fixed interest rates and low minimum loan amounts) via Bank of America, under the “Access Loans” category. For more information, call 800-843-2632 (in CA, IL) or 800-900-9000 (in TX, NM).

Contact local foundations and non-profit organizations. Some may offer financial assistance or services referrals for those providing care for someone with disabilities or diseases like Alzheimer’s, multiple sclerosis, or rheumatoid arthritis. Easter Seals and Rebuilding Together both offer low- or no-cost community-based home modification and repair programs.

Take out a second/reverse mortgage. If you have the equity, this is a good way to secure a loan for a home modification, which, if done well, should add value to the home as more people will be seeking homes where aging in place is possible. You must be over 62 to secure funding via a reverse mortgage. (Learn more about reverse mortgages here.)

Check your insurance policies and healthcare plans. The National Association of Home Builders says that some programs – auto insurance, worker’s compensation, long term care policies (some will cover the cost of major modifications in lieu of a transition to a long-term care facility), state catastrophic accident insurance plans, and medical trust funds – might cover the costs of a home modification.

If you have a Medicare Advantage Plan, check with your care/case manager to find out if some home modification costs may be covered in the plan (note: those that do generally require participation in a care management program).

Move your parents in. If you have decided it’s best for Mom and Dad to just move in with you so you can provide care more readily, Glickman says you may be able to use proceeds from the sale of their home to make an accessible suite at your residence. He adds that adult children can avail themselves of the space in the future too, as their own care needs change.

Ready to consider a home modification for a family member’s residence, or your own? 101 Mobility has a full line of products (stairlifts, auto lifts, ramps, and more) and a team of highly-trained professional installers standing by to get AIP construction underway. Learn more about their services and find the local office serving you at http://101mobility.com/locator/.

Additional Sources:

• http://www.homemods.org/FAQ/index.shtml
• http://www.nahb.org/generic.aspx?genericContentID=89799

Dale Carter (left) before presenting. On the right, host Brenda Torres

Give Me Just 3 Hours … and I’ll Share my ADAPT framework for caregiving so you can be the guiding force in your family, bring your family together, save precious time, money & your health while respecting your aging parent’s dignity and independence.

Join me for 3 evenings in November (one hour each evening over the phone) when I show you exactly how to help your aging parent, regardless of the challenge.  I will provide you with the same roadmap I used in helping my mother.

Based on sound principles of communication, project management, and gerontology, you’ll learn the innovative ADAPT tool that you’ll be able to use time and time again.

Why take the time now to learn about ADAPT and how it can help your family?  The holidays are fast approaching and are often the first time in months or perhaps a year (or more) when family gathers and realizes there are changes in Mom or Dad’s health or living conditions.  It can throw a family into a panic.  I know!  The information and insight I provide in this 3 hour seminar will serve as a roadmap and provide you with guiding principles … so you are not caught up in the panic.  You will know what to do!

Why this seminar and my ADAPT approach?  Let me share feedback from two other people who completed my seminar.  One young man told me (months later) that when his grandfather became ill and faced end of life, that because of what the young man learned in my seminar, he was able to guide his mother (primary caregiver) through the difficult decisions and care during his grandfather’s last weeks of life.

Another attendee, a director of a hospice organization, later told me that “one concept” I shared made all the difference at the end of her father’s life.  She told me it helped her family give her father ‘quality of life” and gave the family peace.

This 3 part seminar will give you both the tools (the ADAPT framework and a host of resources) and insight into your relationship with your aging parent, your family and your community.

We’ve often heard “it takes a village to raise a child.”  It also takes a village to care for an aging parent.  After my seminar, you will be able to find your village.

This special seminar begins November 15, 8pm Eastern.  If you cannot one or more of the calls, you will still receive the recordings and hand-outs.

For more information and to register, click here.

• Do you have an aging parent?
• What would help you at time of the next crisis or transition?
• How about several key resources & tools at your fingertips?

Then, there is a no-cost teleseminar just for you!  Tuesday, November 8th at 8pm Eastern.  You’ll be able to listen over the phone in the comfort of your home!

I’ll share

• 3 key resources to turn to in the event of any crisis or challenge
• AND
• a preview of my upcoming 3 evening seminar … featuring the simple but powerful ADAPT framework for caregivers and families.

So, come and join us!

Find out how you can

• become the guiding force in your family
• bring your family together,
• find the right resources and professionals to help your parent
• and, create and sustain balance in your own life.

I had the privilege of attending Silverado-Lake Zurich’s Grand Opening Celebration last Thursday.  Sure, it was a 4 hour drive through traffic and rain, but once I arrived, I was so very glad I persevered.

Here are some of the highlights of the event and my observations about what differentiates Silverado from other senior living – care communities:

• The first thing you notice as you walk in is that this does not even look like a senior living community.  You feel as if you’re in someone’s home.    There’s a lovely Great Room with fireplace.  Residents were gathered around on couches, playing a Trivia game.  It was noisy.  I saw lots of smiles, and something else.  Dogs sitting up on the couches with residents petting them.  It was like being at a large family celebration around holiday time.

• The assistant administrator, Susan, who gave me a tour said, in a genuinely joyful voice, “I love coming to work each day.  In fact, it doesn’t feel like work.”  Then she introduced me to her daughter (probably around 12 years old) who introduced me to 5 month old kittens they had rescued and brought to live at Silverado.  As I watched mother and daughter chat, I realized this is what Loren had talked about on my show.  Multi-generational living.  Staff children arrive each day after school, naturally interact with the residents and form friendships.

• Susan pointed out that their is no nurse’s station, medications or equipment in sight.  In fact, all of that is locked away in an office nearby.  The residents’  rooms, personalized shadow boxes by each door and and architectural design, all made it seem like “home.”

• One big and very welcome surprise!  Family members are encouraged to come at meal time, and best of all, they eat f.ree  This is important in several ways.  First of all, many senior living communities charge up to $40/meal for a guest which is certainly a deterrant to family eating.  Secondly, residents are much more likely to enjoy eating and eat well when a family member is with them.  And, as Susan pointed out,  it helps the non-resident spouse tremendously by having a nutritious meal with their loved one.

• All of this would not be possible without the vision of the founding CEOs, Loren and Steve.  As Loren spoke during presentation time, I realized it was leadership “from the top” that shaped and nurtured the culture at Silverado Senior Living.  As he shared the history and stories of the many special residents and families who had walked through their doors and had their lives transformed and enriched, I found myself wishing I could bring Silverado to  where I live!

• Just as leadership is a key success factor, so is recognition of the many, many people who support the Silverado communities and residents each and every day.  As Loren was recognizing the Lake Zurich team, he turned to thank the culinary staff.  They were all there, working hard, in the open kitchen.  He recognized each one by name.  I wished you could have seen them beaming.  They clapped and supported each other.   When employees are recognized, treated with respect and honored, they will pass it on to the residents and families.  I think we all know this in our heads, but to see this in action was amazing.

 The health reform law has made some important changes to Medicare that go into effect in 2012. Whether you’re approaching age 65 or already enrolled in Medicare, the annual enrollment period (AEP) for next year’s Medicare Advantage and prescription drug plans is right around the corner – and it’s starting a month earlier.

Before 2012 begins, we’ve outlined the six most important things people on Medicare should know to ensure they pick the best MedicareAdvantage or prescription drug coverage for their specific needs. 

• There are new Medicare annual enrollment dates. Generally, most Medicare beneficiaries can change a Medicare Advantage plan or stand-alone Medicare prescription drug plan only once per year during Medicare’s annual enrollment period (AEP). The dates for AEP changed this year, and run from Oct. 15 to Dec. 7 in 2011. And, if you want to switch from a supplement plan to an Advantage plan, the AEP is a good time to make that switch.

But, the new AEP does not effect when you can enroll in a Medicare supplement plan, because these plans have an initial enrollment period that starts in the first six months after you enroll in Medicare Part B and are 65 or older. You can enroll in any supplement plan during that time and not be declined. But, if you wait until those six months are over, your application could be declined.

• Make way for baby boomers qualifying for “Original Medicare” at age 65. This year, baby boomers begin turning 65, which means more people will be enrolling in Medicare this year than in the past. All of these new enrollees will put more stress on Medicare enrollment experts. When you combine this influx of new customers with the new enrollment dates, people who wait until the last minute could be putting themselves at risk of running out of time or not getting the help they need to review their coverage and make changes, if necessary. It’s a good idea to make a plan and review your coverage options for 2012 early.

• “Newbies” be aware of deductibles, coinsurance, out-of-pocket limits and prescription drugs. If you’re new to Medicare, it’s important to know that both parts of Original Medicare (A and B) have deductibles. And, the deductibles are not tied to a calendar year like they are with traditional health insurance. Instead, they’re tied to a 90-day benefit period, with some exceptions. The Medicare Part B benefit also includes coinsurance after you meet your deductible. With coinsurance, Medicare pays a percentage of each bill (typically between 20 percent and 45 percent depending on the service) and you pay the rest. Original Medicare also has no limits on the amount you could pay out of your own pocket for covered medical services each year. And, Original Medicare does not cover the cost of most prescription drugs.

• It’s critical to compare drug coverage: A 2011 PlanPrescriber.com report looked at 25,000 user sessions on its website during the 2011 annual enrollment period (between Nov. 15, 2010, and Dec 31, 2010), where customers entered their zip code, their existing Medicare prescription drug plan orMedicare Advantage drug plan and the names, dosages and frequency of any prescription drugs they were taking, if any. The site’s prescription drug plan comparison tool found that, on average, a user could save more than $500 per year – more than $40 per month – by reviewing their options and changing their prescription drug plan. Don’t miss this important step heading into 2012.

• You can fill in Medicare’s gaps: People concerned about some of the gaps in original Medicare have the option to enroll in insurance products regulated by the government but provided by private companies. These are products designed specifically to fill some of the different gaps in Medicare. They include: Medicare Part D stand-alone prescription drug plans, which cover the cost of most prescription drugs; Medicare supplement plans, which cover portions of the deductibles, coinsurance and out-of-pocket costs not covered by original Medicare; and Medicare Advantage plans, which bundle together the Part D drug benefit with some additional coverage for deductibles, coinsurance and out-of-pocket costs. Each type of supplemental coverage has different guidelines for when you can enroll, change and cancel your coverage.

•  Get “star power” in 2012. The Affordable Care Act (health reform) requires a star rating system to be used for Medicare Advantage plans, beginning in 2012. Plans get a rating of 1 to 5, with a 5-star rating equating to an “Excellent Performance,” and a 1-star rating equating to a “Poor Performance.” According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, in 2011 out of 523 plans nationwide, only three received an overall rating of 5, and 74 received an overall rating 4 or 4.5 stars. Heading into 2012 the hope is that more plans will achieve this high 5-star rating. If you’re lucky enough to have access to a 5-star plan, consider it as an option for your coverage. One benefit of a 5-star plan is that you can enroll in it any time, even outside of Medicare’s annual enrollment period.

Ross Blair is President and CEO of Plan Prescriber, Inc., a leading provider of comparison tools and educational materials for Medicare-related insurance products.

The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) has neither reviewed nor endorsed the information provided by PlanPrescriber.

But, there is one thing we each can do that will change our caregiving experience in a very profound way.

Interestingly enough, I realized ‘this one thing’ as I was reading an unrelated article about entrepreneurs.  The key point of the article is that entrepreneurs try so very hard to hide what’s going on.  But, successful founders understand/confront their weaknesses and fill those gaps with people from their network.

The light bulb went on for me!  How often, as caregivers, do we consciously or unconsciously hide what’s going on?

It may be due to one or more of the following:

• some distorted sense of personal responsibility – “I’m my parent’s child. I have to be the one who cares for our parent”
• sense of guilt - “My parent refuses to let a stranger in their home.  They only want me there to help”
• lack of knowledge what to ask for or who to reach out to – “I’ve never been a caregiver before.  But, I can figure this out on my own.”
• perhaps simply taking the path of least resistance at a given moment in time – “I am so tired and don’t have any extra time or money, so I’ll just manage and deal with problems as they arise.”

Can you see yourself or perhaps a sibling in one of the statements above?  Whenever I am coaching a caregiver and I hear a sentiment such as those I’ve listed above, I remind them that “caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint.”  A caregiver cannot sustain the kind of long-time care that will be a reality for so many of us with our aging parents.

We need to become “transparent.”  Share our needs and seek out those who can help and support us.  This past week, I wrapped up a 3 part seminar with the final evening focused on community-based and national resources.  We spent 2 hours discussing the incredible resources available to caregivers, many of which are no-cost.  Every time I share this type of information, I see looks of surprise.  I see attendees start to relax, and then it’s as if a dam has broken.  Everyone starts sharing resources that have been most powerful for them.  And, it’s all because, in that room, at that time, they are “transparent” in sharing their situation and their experience.

My advice to each caregiver out there.  Don’t wait!

• Reach out to your family members, share your concerns and challenges.  Ask for their ideas and support!
• Reach out to organizations (such as the Alzheimer’s Association) and take advantage of their education classes and support groups
• Check out the many online resources that can help!  eCareDiary is a fabulous resource, helping families stay in touch and on the same page with their ‘medication & appointment management tool’ (and private calendar.)  This is a great aid for families who are spread across the country!.
• A terrific go-to resource is your Area Agency on Aging.  Funded by the federal government and staffed by senior advisors, help with your caregiving questions and challenges is just a phone call away.  You can find them online at www.eldercare.gov

Have you found a way to help your aging parent?  Please share it with our community of caregivers at our Facebook fan page, ‘Transition Aging Parents’

CLEARWATER, Fla., Sept. 7, 2011 — /PRNewswire/ — 1 in every 5 adults in America is in a caregiving role taking care of a family member or friend. That represents 60 million Americans, many of whom are in crisis stages of stress, burn-out and depression. But in areas with more dense senior populations, as many as 1 in 3 are giving care to another person. It is estimated that 1 million caregivers who live in greater Tampa Bay are in need of support critical to their physical and mental well-being.

For this reason, numerous municipalities in the region have declared September 23, 2011 as Caregiver Day. They have issued proclamations to rally area caregivers to attend the first annual New Age of Caregiving Symposium on September 23, 2011 at Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater, Florida and to make everyone in the area aware of the impact the plight of caregivers has on the overall community, businesses and government.

The event is being has been created by The Caregiver Hour Radio Show which airs on Tampa radio station WHNZ 1250 AM every Monday from 11 AM to 12 Noon. The symposium’s keynote speaker is Gail Sheehy, acclaimed author of 16 best-selling books including her latest offering, Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos Into Confidence.

Kim Linder, host of The Caregiver Hour Radio Show, is also the symposium’s organizer. Linder is a certified senior advisor who believes in the importance of helping caregivers through holistic methods. The symposium will provide integrative resources vital to caregivers’ physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. It will also contribute a portion of the proceeds to the Area Agency on Aging, Pasco-Pinellas, Inc. Tickets are available at www.newageofcaregiving.com.

For more information, contact Kim Linder, The Caregiver Hour Radio Show, at 727-798-2663 or email kim@thecaregiverhour.com.

SOURCE New Age of Caregiving Symposium

I was helping an elderly friend move from a flooded apartment this week.  On 2 consecutive days, as we worked together, she received calls that were “scams.” Each time, she handed the phone over to me, and  I quietly listened to the distressing pitches.  I then told each caller that I was reporting their call to the community’s Executive Director, and to “please stop doing this to our elderly.” Financial exploitation is a terrible crime.  I hope that today’s article will raise your awareness and enable you to take the right action now so you can prevent your loved one from becoming the next victim.

Know that there are 2 key risk factors that make the elderly especially vulnerable to scammers.  Social isolation and dementia.  Scammers are very attuned to this.  They call with a charming manner, using key phrases that are disarming.  “You are one of a select few eligible for this special grant.”  “ I am calling from The Safety & Security company” or even more confusing for the elderly, “I am calling from Medicare.”

Here are 12 ways you can prevent financial abuse from happening to your loved ones.

• Stay in frequent contact with elderly relatives, and keep lines of communication open.

• Be observant and perceptive about any physical or behavioral change.

• Choose any caregiver carefully. Never select one through an ad. Use a licensed, bonded agency. Hire an investigator to ensure the potential caregiver is not a convicted felon.

• Keep a photographed inventory of all jewelry in a locked box.

• Use a criss-cross shredder on any paperwork containing identifying information.

• Protect incoming and outgoing mail. Getting a Post Office box is a good preventive measure.

• Obtain a credit search for your parent 2-3 times a year.

• Have Caller Id on the phone. Teach your parents to not answer “unknown” or “out of area”. Tell them that scam artists use the phone as a weapon, and it is OK to hang up on someone.

• Tell them “You will NEVER win a foreign lottery”.

• Have a duplicate copy of their banking account statements sent to a trusted family member.

• Tell them to not assume a handyman is to be trusted, even if he has a wonderful name and is charming. Check the Better Business Bureau and state licensing. Always get 3 estimates. Obtain a written contract. And, never pay more than 10% or $1,000 up-front, whichever is less.

• Have a second line of defense at their front door (a peephole or locked screen door).

Report any suspected mistreatment immediately by contacting the Helpline for your state.

Let’s continue this conversation on our ’Transition Aging Parents’ Facebook fan page. Please share an experience, story or tip that may help others.  Thank you!

I am happy to say that today Medicare unveils its newly re-designed “Ask Medicare” website (replacing the existing site for caregivers.)  They listened to and incorporated feedback from caregivers, just like you and me.  The result is an intuitive, content-rich site that is a “one-stop online resource for high quality information about Medicare.”

Those of us who are caregivers or advocates for caregivers know that caregivers are faced with 3 big challenges, a lack of time, being isolated and struggling with increasing costs.  The site was designed with those needs in mind.

Let me walk you through some of the functionality and features that I think will help adult children.

• The home page puts key items of interest at your fingertips, including Medicare Basics (the first stop for anyone new to Medicare), Paying for Care, Condition-specific Information, Support for caregivers (including links/resources outside of Medicare) and Care Options.
• A new feature and one that Medicare is putting a lot of emphasis around is the “Real Caregiver Story.” You’ll be able to submit your story and photos.  Each and every submission will be carefully reviewed for inclusion.    Think of how compelling our stories and ‘lessons learned’ can be for others.  I love this feature of sharing.
• Caregiver videos will be offered, such as “making the transition from hospital to home.”
• You’ll have access to several trustworthy compare tools, including the Hospital Compare tool, and the Home Health agency compare tool.
• You’ll find a whole list of external resources, including VA and the ElderCare Locator (to find an Area Agency on Aging anywhere in the country.)
• And, you’ll have the option to sign up for the “Ask Medicare” newsletter that will be published 6 times a year.

Now that you know why I think the newly designed “Ask Medicare” website will be a very helpful tool for you, I encourage you to visit Marti Weston’s site, AsOurParentsAge.net, to check out screen shots of the new website and Marti’s insight on what “Ask Medicare” can do for you as you care for your aging parents.

To reach Marti’s post, click here.

To reach the new “Ask Medicare” site, click here.

Before I offer up some suggestions, I want to take a step back and explore the situation from your parents’ perspective.

• On a high level, the mention of services brought into the home can make your parent think, “This is the first step to losing my independence.  If this happens, what’s next?”  Whether they consciously or unconsciously have this thought, they will want to fiercely grab on to the life they know and resist any change.
• Your parent may treasure their privacy, so even the mention of bringing a home aide or visiting nurse into their home, may be unsettling.
• Your parent may be financially conservative, wanting to be frugal and responsible.  They’ve lived through the Great Depression.  They see their health care costs rising, and the instability of world economy.

So, with those thoughts in mind, how can we approach the conversation in a more empathetic way?

• Begin by listening to your parent. Have a relaxed conversation away from your homes, perhaps in a park or some other peaceful setting.  You’ll be amazed at how this can break the cycle of a “stuck” conversation.  Ask a big question like, “Mom, what has been the most difficult part of aging for you?”  She’ll have to dig deep to answer that, and you’ll learn about her values, wishes and goals.  And, you will then be able to find common ground and build trust as you work together in the future, in finding the right option for your parent.
• Observe. I share in my book and presentations about the importance of being a “detached” observer for a day or two.  Become like a quiet shadow beside your parent.   Envision yourself as a caring friend.   Watch how your parent moves, what they struggle with, what makes them happy, how they interact with their friends and the outside world.  Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed or disturbed by what you see.  By all means, do NOT jump into solution-mode.  I love this quote by James Thurber, “Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.”  This is what we need to do as we seek to understand our aging parents.
• Reach out to your Area Agency on Aging. Now that you have listened and observed, you will need to reach out and learn about options and resources.  I always suggest contacting your parent’s local Area Agency on Aging.  Every part of the country is covered by one of these agencies, funded by the federal government.  They offer a hotline staffed by trained elder advisors.  They maintain a comprehensive listing of community resources, and most now have a geriatric care manager on staff.  No matter where you or your parent are in the country, you can go to their website and plug in a zip code to get the contact information for your Area Agency on Aging.  Simply explain your parent’s need(s) and ask for assistance.
• Reach out to a geriatric care manager. So, you’ve tried the listening and the observing.  And, you reached out to your Area Agency on Aging and gathered resources and options.  But, your parent will still not consider accepting help.  Then it is time to have a professional step in and assist.  Your Area Agency on Aging can recommend a geriatric care manager.  This professional usually has a background as a social worker or nurse.   Such individuals have the experience and sensitivity to meet with your parent in their home and do a holistic assessment (of your parent, their living environment, their support structure) and then make recommendations.  They are trained to know that each elderly person and each family are unique in their needs and wishes.  They will be able to frame their recommendations in a way that will help your aging parent understand it is in their best interest.

I hope this article helps you get “unstuck” with your aging parents.  Step back, reflect on your parent’s values and wishes, and then reach out for professional help.

I would love to hear your insight and ideas on how to reach out to aging parents who refuse help.  What has worked or not worked in your family?